Sonnet

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A farmer named Fred wrote a sonnet,
Full of glop with honey upon it,
The critics who scanned it,
Universally panned it,
Which caused him to weep in his bonnet.
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Quote of the day: "Talk doesn't cook rice."  Chinese Proverb
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Necks

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A big gorilla named Tex,
Was flexing his lats and his pecs,
When people made fun of it,
Tex would have none of it,
He mowed in and wrung a few necks.
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Quote of the day: "If cats could talk, they wouldn't." Nan Porter
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Whisk

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A woman who invented a faster whisk,
Submitted her name to a master list,
She wanted a mention,
For historic  invention,
But she only achieved an asterisk.
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Quote of the day: "Mistakes are the portals of discovery." James Joyce
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Sanitary

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When the shuttle is up on the gantry,
We must keep everything sanitary,
To accomplish that feat,
We'll de-heat the meat,
By refrigerating the pantry.
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Quote of the day: "The real index of civilization is when people are kinder than they need to be." Louis de Berniere
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Fudge

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She announced in a tone of remorse,
That the two would seek a divorce,
She said to the judge,
"He won't eat my fudge,
So I had to resort to force".
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Quote of the day: "If you're going through hell, keep going."  Winston Churchill
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Tortoise

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He lived in a northwest fortress,
Where he raised a Galapagos tortoise,
He fed it on lettuce,
And even would bet us,
The tortoise could swim like a porpoise.
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Quote of the day: "When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity." Dale Carnegie
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Peril

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A dog that was doubtlessly feral,
Intimidated Beryl and Meryl,
Asleep like a sheep,
He thought she was Streep,
To the actress's ultimate peril.
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Quote of the day: "I don't paint things.  I only paint the difference between things." Henri Matisse
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Pants

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A man who was very, very rich,
Nonetheless had an incurable itch,
He ripped off his pants,
And whirled in a dance,
Till he wasn't wearing a stitch.
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Quote of the day: "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do." Dale Carnegie
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Cezanne

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A painter named Paul Cezanne,
Painted portraits of his paisan,
He made five or six,
Of these beautiful pics,
And said, "Peace be with you, my son".
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Quote of the day: "The artist brings something into the world that didn't exist before, and he does it without destroying something else."  John Updike
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Cucumber

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A rector eating cucumber, burpless,
had taken home the leftover surplus,
He found with a start,
Beside his sacred-heart,
He had dropped a slice on his surplice.
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Nanny

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A man hired his aunt as a nanny,
He kissed her, and patted her fanny,
She knocked him flat,
She thought that was that,
Yet he insisted on upping the ante
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Quote of the day: "Today is the last day of some of your life."  Author Unknown
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Gentry

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When the temperature's a hundred and twenty,
No sentry will shelter the gentry,
When a/c's go out,
It'll leave little doubt,
Sweat'll glow in the mansions of plenty.
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Quote of the day: "The test of a civilization is the
way that it cares for its helpless members". Pearl S. Buck
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Fulsome

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He used to listen to Jethro Tull some,
And sit around and shoot the bull some,
His friends went South,
Because of his mouth,
They found him disagreeably fulsome.
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Quote of the day: "Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise."  Bertrand Russell
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Dormouse

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Once there was a poor louse,
Who resembled a wee dormouse,
He often would roam,
For to find him a home,
At last settled down in an oarhouse.
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Quote of the day: "I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at. Wilson Mizner
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Cakes

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A barbecue man bet for betting's sakes,
Bet that his friends would request salmon cakes,
They waffled and diddled,
And mumbled and fiddled,
And they ended up razing the steaks.
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Quote of the day: "There are two kinds of people: stupid ones who are partially smart and smart ones who are partially stupid." Anon.
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Chesty

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She was feelin just a bit testy,
And was breathing somewhat chesty,
She coughed and she wheezed,
She burbled and sneezed,
Oh that flu was foreverly pesty.
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Quote of the day: "Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid." Heinrich Heine
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Bustard

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A lady from Flan made a custard,
That she fed to her little pet bustard,
She could handle a spoon,
But she found out too soon,
That she just couldn't cut the mustard.
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Quote of the day: "Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk." Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider
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Alfa Romeo

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A gent who lived in Vallejo,
Drove around in an Alfa Romeo
He rode here and there,
And then, with a flair,
Had lunch with a great big conejo.
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Quote of the day: "I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers." Ogden Nash
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Twister

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A fellow decked out in Sou'ester,
Had words with his only sister,
They felt so break-up,
that they just had to make up,
But they were both swept away by a twister.
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Quote of the day: "Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales." Byron J. Langenfeld
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Chimichanga

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There once was a dachshund; Chimichanga,
He like-a to play ping-a pong-a,
Though he no big Italian,
He wanna be a stallion.
Bada-bing, bada-boom, bada bonga.
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Quote of the day: "Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box" Italian Proverb
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Fester

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He  was just an old empty nester,
Whose memories would moulder and fester,
He twiddled and puttered,
And bumbled and muttered,
Till he learned to eat Puff Corn by Chester.
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Quote of the day: "I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. -Stephen Roberts
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Ditch

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A witch who was knocked into a ditch,
Shouted out, "You son of a bitch",
Which got her arrested,
At which she jested,
"Just wait till I catch that snitch!"
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Quote of the day: "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." Charlie Brown
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link for pic:

Trapezoid

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It is rumored that Sigmund Freud,
While constructing a trapezoid,
Tripped over his tongue,
And fractured a lung,
So he sang a lot like Pink Floyd.
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Quote of the day: "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." Barbara Johnson
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Cherokee

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There once was a cat named Cherokee,
Who oft would not know where to be,
She climbed on the roof,
and cried out woof woof,
At any cat who wouldst share her tree.


Picture link

Quote of the day: "If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." Mary Engelbreit
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Pillow

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In bed, he smoked his cigarillo.
Scared by a noise in the backyard willow,
He startled in bed,
Spun round his head,
Dropped his smoke and burned up the pillow.
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Quote of the day: "So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work." Peter Drucker

Carp

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He played the Jaliscanese harp,
To serenade his Japanese carp,
He played under water,
Which he shouldn't have ought-er
'Cause it made his whole harp to warp.
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Quote of the day: "If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it." Earl Wilson
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Rhinoceros

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I married a ruddy rhinoceros,
Which seems, I know, preposterous,
Our only tool,
Was the golden rule,
And we actually grew quite prosperous
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Quote of the day: "If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?" Art Hoppe
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Eclectic

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A gentleman apoplectic,
With tastes decidedly eclectic,
Took art so serious,
He became delirious,
And ceased to be interconnectic.
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Quote of the day: "Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight."  Benjamin Franklin
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Gandy Dancer

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The guy was only a gandy dancer,
He never would try to sort out the answer,
When called to account,
About some amount,
He would eat an avoidance enhancer.
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Quote of the day: "How can anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty-six different kinds of cheese?" Charles De Gaulle
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Talk to Your Baby

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 This article from Delancey Place cites information about improving education at the earliest stages:

Talk to your baby.

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Enchilada

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A gentleman from West Enchilada,
Went out for a ride on his Yamaha,,
It revved up so loud,
That it drew a fine crowd,
Soon he'd stirred up a big brouhaha.
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Quote of the day: "Forgiveness is almost a selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives." Lawana Blackwell,
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Rictus

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A woman with an oversized rictus,
Had set out to win, she tricked us,
She put on a scam,
To sell us a ham,
Oh, bubble-gum!, she really nicked us.
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Quote of the day: "It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important." Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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Schist

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A gent quarrying mica and schist,
Invariably twisted his wrist,
He jumped and he bellowed,
But could not be mellowed,
Until he was fondled and kissed.

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Quote of the day: "A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand."  Bertrand Russell
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Peril

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A dog that was doubtlessly feral,
Advanced upon Beryl and Meryl,
Beryl was vicious,
And Meryl malicious,
The dog was in desperate peril.
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Quote of the day: "Keep your broken arm inside your sleeve." Chinese Proverb
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Persimmon

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Once when the lights were a-dimmin',
A man was beset by two women,
And so it evolved,
That all was resolved,
He gave one to each a persimmon,
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Quote of the day: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." Carl Jung
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Sitter

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A young girl who worked as a sitter,
Yearned for the big-city glitter,
She packed top to bottom,
And hied off to Gotham,
Where she found herself knee deep in litter.

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Quote of the day: "Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose." Darrin Weinberg
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Twitter

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A man confounded by Twitter,
Was upset and all in a dither,
He drank a cold beer,
And fell on one ear,
Decided to be a big quitter.

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Quote of the day: "We do not quit playing because we grow old, we grow old because we quit playing." Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Funnel

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She supervised the English Chunnel,
Then ran away to the Amazon jungle,
She caught a disease,
Which was carried by fleas,
And must dose her eyes through a funnel.
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Quote of the day: "Only talk when it improves the silence." Edmund Muskie

Hark Ye

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Odysseus was Greek, on that you can mark me,
When he was out plowing the wine-dark sea,
He yelled "Uncle Remus,"
To Polyphemus,
And revealed his own name with a "hark ye!"
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Quote of the day: "The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." David Russell
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Invention

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A special motor was his sixteenth invention,
The income went well with his pending pension,
Each time it would wiggle,
The motor would giggle,
Every good story has a happy engine.
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Quote of the day: "There is no sincerer love than the love of food." George Bernard Shaw

Sleep

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Now I lay me down to sleep,
On my motorbike 'cause it's so cheap,
I hide in the alley,
Near goofy Sally,
The cops think I 'm a creep.
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Quote of the day: "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?" Satchel Paige

Gurney

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He took a quick trip on a gurney,
With his stomach all stormy and churney,
Because it was trendy,
He sought to sue Wendy,
But he couldn't afford an attorney.
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Quote of the day: "A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling." Arthur Brisbane,
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Bimbo

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A man who was standing akimbo,
At the side of a well-known bimbo,
In an event most frightening,
Was fricasseed by lightning,
And ushered thereby into limbo.
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Quote of the day: "Nobody sees a flower. really, it is so small it takes time, we haven't time, and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time." Georgia O'Keeffe

Forge

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A gent by the name of George,
Who worked day and night at the forge,
Ate four slabs of ham,
And a brisket of lamb,
Which badly upset George's gorge.
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Quote of the day: "Curiosity is lying in wait for every secret." Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Fleas

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Worms, bees, ticks, fleas,
All of them can make you wheeze,
If they don't,
Or if they won't,
In any case you'll surely sneeze.
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Quote of the day: "Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions." David Borenstein
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Caddy

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A person called Panama Hattie,
Enjoyed playing golf with a caddy,
She shot from a saddle,
With a ping-pong paddle,
She was most certifiably batty.
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Quote of the day: "Ignorance never settled a question." Benjamin Disraeli
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Pandemic

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Her sister, an academic,
Had started a virtual pandemic,
She was ever so manic,
Which engendered a panic,
With her frantic religious polemic
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Quote of the day: "When in doubt, look intelligent." Garrison Keillor
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Rocky

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Watching the movie, Rocky,
Made one fella feel cocky,
He set out one night,
To look for a fight,
He could skate but he couldn't play hockey.
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Quote of the day: "Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican. Lisa Simpson
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Gutter

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A man rose up from the gutter,
All fitful, a-tizzy, a-flutter,
The dirt would not cease,
He was covered with grease,
But he said 'twas the very best butter.

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Quote of the day: "I think music all the time." Roy Ayers, vibraphonist
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Farctate

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An architect went out and ate,
Five oysters, six eggs and a date,
He tried to eat more,
But dropped to the floor.
Considering he was utterly farctate*.
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Quote of the day: "He was a bold man that first ate an oyster." Jonathan Swift
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* Stuffed.
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